uncomfortably willing.

Wooohooo!! A little mini celebration for the fact that this will be my THIRD post for November...I might actually start having a weekly blog. Wow. Everything is possible:

I am about to get a ride to the airport in less than an hour to go home for thanksgiving. So much to be thankful for that it's a bit absurd. I have so many different unconnected thoughts to share, so we will see how this turns out... I printed my airplane ticket this morning for a flight that is not till this evening. It's great how the internet makes things so much easier...or does it? I printed my ticket and instead of having a seat number on it, instead it read, "Departure Management Card," and then small print telling me to wait for a seat assignment at the gate...or an upgrade. So in other words this is their nice way of saying, woops, we overbooked. Sometimes I feel like a grandma because I think about how it used to be that you had to get your ticket at the airport, no more than 2 hrs before departure...now because I am actually "late" to the virtual check in, I am wait listed. Thats crazy! What's funny is I always feel so ahead of the game by doing it online, but then I realize to actually be ahead of the game it means to have checked-in 24hrs in advance. Sheesh. As I get ready to go to the airport I feel this slight discomfort because anything could happen. I know, technically I paid for the flight so one way or another, I HAVE TO have a flight, but still, my tentative schedule is more tentative than I originally thought.
It makes me think of how I am actually not as spontaneous and adventurous as I like to imagine. Well that is if I am measuring based upon my emotions. Emotionally speaking, this tiny part of me thinks, just don't go. Stay in Texas and don't go, it will be complicated. uncomfortable. and confrontational at the airport. Those ideas don'e exactly emit the best feelings. I was just beginning to think about how many emotions I feel a day and how I sub-consciously filter so many in order to do or not do things. For instance last night, WORST TRAFFIC ever (ok maybe a little exaggeration) but really, it was the type that just breaks you down emotionally. I was on my way to a lifegroup at this church I've just recently been attending. It took me over an hour to get there. I finally got to the apt. complex, and then I couldn't find the apt. No really. Most confusing place ever. After all the traffic, all the emotions I had to silence just to get there, I literally thought, I am going home. I can't find their door, so I'm just going home.
Irrational. I know, thanks.
That is probably a bit dramatic for the event, but I was so tired and hungry that I literally just wanted to sit down and quit. (Happy to say, I did find the door)
All that to say, emotions are ridiculous at times. They seem to be irrational a lot of the time. For instance: I am having a bad day, I'll eat ice cream. or the job i'm assigned looks difficult, I shouldn't try. Okay I am already out of great examples...but you get the point.
This is why I need to die and Christ needs to live. When Christ becomes my master and and my wisdom, then the emotions no longer dictate my actions in an irrational way. But let's be honest, even though we say He is our master and the one we are obedient to, it's usually seems better to just go with the emotion's idea. I am realizing that a lot in my life recently. Sometimes people ask for my help, and in all honesty I don't want to do it. Why?
I guess because I just don't want to because me, myself and I want to do something different. Yet in those moments I find the greatest victory when I just submit to what the Holy Spirit is nudging me to DO. To the emotions and comfort side of me, it seems like a bad idea, but the end result miraculously produces in me the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control, gentleness, and goodness.
I find there is such kindness from Father God in these instances, because He doesn't choose to point out what I really wanted to do, instead He chooses to bless me and rejoice over me with singing everytime I do submit to Him (even if my attitude/emotions seem a bit nasty at first). What compassion, and what kindness.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I am basically saying the heart of Father God really is to give us a hope and a future, to see the potential in us and push us towards the goal to win the prize! Thus to lay down what my emotions want and take on what Jesus desires, is life giving and from where great adventure actually comes. How sweet it is to walk as a child of the King!